How KangaTu Was Born

Dear World,

I just love birth stories. If you were curious about why KangaTu was born, it of course starts with the birth of my daughter! My experience becoming a mother last year inspired me to create KangaTu and make healthy birth information more accessible to everyone. 

WARNING: There are some graphic details about labor in this post. If you're just here for pictures, go ahead and scroll down for the pictures. Not everyone is into the details, I get that. :)

Obligatory "where's the baby" selfie, on my "due date"

Before:
During my pregnancy, I was obsessed with reading and hearing other birth stories. It helped me learn what to expect (the unexpected!), what to request, what to pack, etc. I had read enough books about birth to become a certified doula. My personal favorite was Peggy Vincent's memoirs about her career as a midwife in the 70s and 80s (Baby Catcher), and Elizabeth Davis's Orgasmic Birth. (Who wouldn't love a book with that title?) I had read enough to know that I wanted a natural, drug-free birth experience attended by nurse midwives. Well, I think there's a saying about making God laugh by making plans, so here's what actually happened:
Around the 33 week mark, I realized that my daughter was in the breech position, meaning her head was up by my ribs instead of down by the nearest exit. At my 34 week appointment, the midwives confirmed it via ultrasound. I was given a thick packet of information about things to do to turn the baby into the proper position. This included holding a bag of frozen peas by the baby's head so she'll turn away from the cold, laying in an inclined position with my knees on the couch and my head toward the ground multiple times a day, acupressure, acupuncture, chiropractic, moxabustion, and finally, attempting an ECV (external cephalic version) procedure at the hospital. Which, by the way, was totally painful and involved greasing my belly with mineral oil. Ew.
When all of these attempts to turn the baby around failed, I had to come to terms with the fact that I would deliver by cesarean section, because nobody in town delivers breech babies the good old fashioned way anymore. When discussing my options with the midwives, I made it clear that I wanted to at least go into labor on my own, in hopes that perhaps the baby will turn herself around during the labor process (which is a common occurrence as well-- leaving only 3% of babies remaining breech before delivery). I was also concerned about the most common complication with babies being delivered by cesarean, which is respiratory problems. Typically this is because the baby's lungs aren't ready for the outside world yet, as C-section complications can frequently be a result of scheduling the surgery too early, or a failed induction of vaginal labor that doesn't progress the way it should. (Again, because baby just isn't ready to come out yet! Fun fact: the love hormone oxytocin is what signals your body to go into labor-- it is triggered when the baby's lungs are mature.) After some discussion, I realized that my caretakers preferred if I scheduled the C-section. They said it would be a calmer, less stressful experience for all. I could schedule for as early as 39 weeks. (NO THANK YOU.) I finally decided to schedule the surgery for almost a week AFTER my estimated due date, to truly give Ellie every chance possible to turn around and to start labor when she's good and ready. (Because at a certain point, cesarean aside, you get pressured to schedule an induction if you go past your due date anyway.) This also made it easier to schedule my sister's flight into town from Chicago, ensuring that she would be there to share the experience. I felt at peace with my decision.
The due date came and went, as expected, and all there was left to do was wait for Friday, when our surgery was scheduled. My sister got into town on Wednesday evening, and we planned to do some shopping on Thursday. At 2:30 Thursday morning, I woke up with some contractions. They weren't close together enough to warrant calling anyone, but they were strong enough that I couldn't go back to sleep right away. After about an hour, I finally drifted back to sleep until about 8:00. I texted my doula to let her know that the contractions were happening and not going away. By pure luck, she happened to be working the OB rotation for nursing school that day, so she would be at the hospital in the correct wing all day. I told her I would let her know if we ended up heading that way.
I went about my business as usual, going out for lunch with my mom, sister, and brother, and then shopping for a couple of hours. After getting back to my mom's house, my contractions were noticeably closer together. She offered to let me take a bath to relax, in her enormous garden tub, so naturally I took her up on that. While soaking in the tub, my water broke-- right as it started to rain outside. I got out of the tub and quickly got dressed to get ready to go to the hospital.
I tried calling my husband a few times, but no answer. He was in a meeting. We drove over to our house (he works from home) to get him. I marched up the stairs and pounded on the door and told him to meet us at the hospital with our car. It was about 3:30.
Hospital:
We got to the hospital around 4:00, where my doula was waiting for us at the door. After I was admitted to a labor room, the receptionist brought a pile of paperwork for me to fill out. I told her that I had already submitted the pre-registration forms three weeks ago so I didn't have to fill anything out. She didn't seem to care and I had to fill these forms out anyway while dealing with increasingly strong contractions. Lovely.
I was given a hospital gown to change into, and was put in a bed so I could get a monitor hooked to me. There was meconium (baby poo) in my fluids when my water broke, so I had to have a monitor strapped to me at all times in the confines of an increasingly uncomfortable hospital bed. I was hooked up to an IV. Two of my midwives (Susan and Mary) showed up to check on us. My cervix was dilated 3 centimeters when they checked at 5:00. They conducted an ultrasound to see if Ellie turned from the labor (although I was still pretty sure she hadn't). She was still breech, so they started communicating with the surgery team about how quickly they could get me to the operating room. I was told that because I had lunch around noon, we had to wait until 8:00 PM before I could be given anesthesia for the surgery. So we had to sit around and wait for three hours while my contractions steadily picked up. Awesome.
On the bright side, we found Seinfeld playing on TV. It was a welcome distraction between me moaning like a banshee for each contraction. As it turned out, I progressed so quickly that we didn't have to wait the whole three hours. I was wheeled back to the operating room around 7:00, and by then I was 7 centimeters dilated with contractions coming every minute or two. Mom was permitted to be back there with me, and my midwife Mary had taken some fabulous pictures for us.
Ellie Thora was born at 7:45 on May 29th. She came during a thunderstorm, on a Thursday. She picked her own time, so I was satisfied with the experience. There were zero complications and I was able to hold her as soon as she was cleaned up.

Here are some pictures!

Ellie was born butt first! The guy standing in the background is the anesthesiologist. He narrated the whole thing for me (since I couldn't see what was going on). Also, this tool in the lower left corner looks like a metal shoehorn. I'm pretty sure it was used like one, too. Ew.

Here she is getting cleaned up!

I got to hold her as soon as they gave her a hat and blanket! They were still stitching me up on the other side of the sheet.

Recovery didn't take too long, and I was up walking around the next day.

Ellie is now 16 months old (time flies) and we are looking forward to getting KangaTu in full swing! Many big changes are coming soon, so stay tuned for our adventures! 

Love,

Stephanie

Can you spoil a baby?

"It is impossible to treat a child too well. Children are spoiled by being ignored too much or by harshness, not by kindness." - author Sloan Wilson

Me? Spoiled?

Has anyone ever told you that you'll spoil the baby by holding him so much? Hold back on the urge to punch their advice back down their throat and disregard their warning.

Babies who are tended to quickly after crying and held often grown up to be more independent than babies who do not receive this "attachment parenting," a term coined by Dr. William Sears. This practice of bonding and attentive parenting demonstrates trust and safety to a child.

To me, attachment parenting is the only thing that feels natural. I am lucky to be a stay-at-home mom, so I have been able to on-demand nurse and feed, babywear, play, get outdoors, respond to cries quickly and put my son to sleep whenever he needed it, however he needed it, rather than put him on a schedule. He is a sweet, calm, happy baby! And I hope it stays that way.

I understand that parents who go back to work would do things a bit differently, and that's more than okay, because this parenting thing works differently for everyone.

What made me start thinking more about this is a comment someone made to me recently. This pregnant mama was peeved because folks have been telling her she may want a crib or bassinet in the bedroom with herself and husband, whereas she had been planning on putting the baby in his crib from the get-go in his own room. She texted me, saying, among other things, "... I don't want to get into the process of him sleeping with us or beside the bed. I am breastfeeding, but I can get up. What do you think?"

Of course I told her that a lot will depend on her kid but that we ended up co-sleeping because it was much easier for us and we got better sleep not having to wake up and move to another room, put our son back to sleep, come back and put ourselves back to sleep, repeat again and again. This was especially important for us in the first few shocking months of sleep-deprivation during which our child would feed the norm two to three hours.

Then I told her, "You can say, 'My kid's going to ...' as much as you want, but reality could always be different."

She said, "Yeah, I just don't want to have a spoiled brat on my hands."

That's when it struck me: Not everyone in our generation understands that tending to a baby or small child's needs on-demand is important to their development and will not spoil a child! Her thought-process surprised me, as I consider it an outdated way of child-rearing.

I think of it this way: A baby can't communicate wants versus needs, so each cry is a need. Likewise, a toddler or small child still has not mastered the art of self-expression (hello, temper tantrums) to convey what they want or need, but this does not mean they are spoiled. They are telling us in the most effective way they have at their disposal that something in their little world is not quite right. And it is our responsibility to respond appropriately and lovingly, not dismissively, and that does not mean by always saying yes. A child who has his needs met and has this sense of security is more likely to become a happier, more confident and independent person, according to research.

My son is only just 1 year old and still can't tell me what he needs, mostly. He's learned to arch his back and flail his legs and cry, usually if I set him down in his play area and he isn't wanting the independent playtime. This isn't a product of spoilage; he simply wants interaction from me or my husband or the dogs or cat, or, in some cases, the Roomba. I do sometimes leave him in the play yard when he responds like this, but only when I need him out of trouble for long enough to use the bathroom or eat or put something in the oven. Then I grab him back up or get in there and play with him.

We don't claim to be perfect or near-perfect parents, but we do the best we can with the evidence-based information that's out there. It's a lot to weed through but totally worth it.

Now, "My Super Sweet 16"? Totally, utterly rotten to the core.

"Children desperately need to know - and to hear in ways they understand and remember - that they're loved and valued by mom and dad." - author Paul Smalley

Here are a few good links:
WebMD: "Is Your Child Spoiled?"
Ask Dr. Sears: "Spoiled Children or Healthy Babies?"
Attachment Parenting: "Respond with Sensitivity"
Parenting Science: "The Science of Attachment Parenting"
Psychology Today: "Can You Spoil Your Baby?"