4 Kid-Friendly things to do in Wilmington, NC

Dear World,
As many of you know, I've been having many adventures since my departure from South Carolina. I've been to the Virgin Islands, Puerto Rico, New Jersey, New York, Las Vegas, Florida, Panama, and North Carolina all in the couple of years. What an exciting ride!
We're settled in Carolina Beach, NC for now so I'll share some kid-friendly things we have to offer in this area, in case you're ever wanting to visit.

Downtown Wilmington-
If you like history and/or movies, this is a great place to take a tour! If your children are old enough to appreciate history and old pretty houses, there are a few options. You can hop on the FREE trolley that rides around the downtown area or you can pay to take a horse carriage ride to learn about the history of this fascinating town. (The horses are all rescued clydesdales, which is pretty cool.) From pirates hiding treasure to soldiers fighting in the Revolutionary and Civil Wars, there are plenty of exciting stories to be told about downtown Wilmington. There is even a walking ghost tour if your family is brave enough to try it!
Not the tour type? No worries, there is still plenty to see. There are tons of unique shops around town with plenty of exciting things to offer. One of my personal favorites is the Black Cat Shoppe, which is full of gag gifts and quirky magnets. You can walk along the Cape Fear River and admire the Battleship North Carolina nestled up to the bank on the other side. If you need a break from all of this walking around, there are tons of restaurants to choose from! I personally love the Copper Penny for lunch.
In case it's a rainy day, there is a Children's Museum and a Serpentarium downtown, about a block away from each other. I have not gone to either yet, but they seem like good options to nurture your little one's inquisitive mind.

Battleship NC- 
Across the Cape Fear river from downtown Wilmington, you can see a real battleship! This is set up like a museum, so you pay admission and then explore the boat. I went with my family a few years ago and we spent about three hours guiding ourselves through the enormous vessel. The youngest child with us was about 4 at the time, and he had a blast! There are many rooms full of interesting anecdotes and descriptions, and lots of cool gizmos to see.

A boat so big that this plane fits easily on the deck, with plenty of room to spare!

For more information on visiting the ship, click here to see their website.

Tregembo Animal Park-

I hesitate to call this place a "zoo," because it's kind of small...but that's pretty much what it is. Kids love animals, and this place has a unique opportunity for you. At the entrance to the zoo, you can buy peanuts and corn to feed the animals. THAT'S RIGHT! Against all of the typical zoo rules, you are allowed to feed most of the animals at this place, which is super fun. Obviously, if your child has peanut allergies, you might want to be careful here. This isn't a super big zoo, and can easily be done in a couple of hours.

A few years ago, the people working here let us hold baby alligators. This is my bestie ROCKING an alligator.

Like peacocks? That's good, because they run around freely all over the park.

For more information, you can visit their website here.

Greenfield Park-

Parks are so much fun for kids. (And also free. Free is good.) This one features a lake full of gators, paddle boats for rent, beautiful trees and flowers, ducks, geese, and of course, a playground. I usually hit up this park when I want to take a walk on their pathway and enjoy the nature. Here are some pictures of my Greenfield adventures:

Oh hello, Mr. Cardinal.

What an inviting bench.

Baby gosling following mother goose

Not sure what kind of snake this is, but he was small and friendly!

During warmer times of the year, you can spy alligators sunbathing.

In the spring, you can find an explosion of azalea blossoms. 

Nothing makes you feel like a kid again quite like looking up at towering trees.

More adventures to come!
Love,
Steph

Finding time for me

      This is not meant to come off as a whiny, "woe is me" post. As parents, I'm sure we hear enough of that for a lifetime in one day. I just have a sneaky suspicion I'm not the only one who feels this way. So, here goes...

Mommy time is very elusive

    I've come to realize that I'm doing a great job of taking care of just about everything and everyone in my life these days, all except for little ol' me. My children are well fed, showered with affection, and the center of my universe. My boyfriend is supported, loved, and his manly needs are almost always met- even when I'm dog tired from chasing the little people all day. My home is relatively clean (mostly because we are in the process of selling it and I try to have it ready for a showing at a moment's notice). I enjoy making home cooked meals that nourish my family's mind, body, and soul. Yup, I'm feeling pretty good about everything these days except me, ya know, that person who is supposed to be #1 for herself, so she can be everything to everybody else. Yeah, I'm failing miserably with that.
    After 2 beautiful children (my son is 3 and my daughter is 5 months) I can honestly say I have no clue who I am anymore other than "mom." I also hold the title of "girlfriend," but that's not so helpful either. I used to be wild, carefree, fun, always ready for an adventure, and continuously trying to learn new things. The only new things I've learned in the past several months are a few nursery rhymes. I don't identify with any specific religion, but I used to feel connected and one with the universe around me. My soul feels stagnant. I used to love to write poetry and was beginning to attempt painting. I haven't even so much as looked at a pen or brush in months.
    The irritating thing in all this is that I know better than to have let myself get to this point. I know I matter. I know I need me time. But that is really hard to come by anymore and I always have an excuse:

The baby will flip out because I won't be there to nurse her and whoever is left caring for her will be stressed.
I need to spend more time with my son since his sissy came along.
I need to cuddle with my man because our relationship matters, too.
The house is a mess and I can't rest until it's somewhat clean.
I'll do something for me tomorrow, or next week, or next month.
I could nap but who am I kidding one of them will wake up as soon as I close my eyes.

      If I had a penny for every excuse I'd be rich. I guess I just feel like "me time" is selfish. And I'll have to work twice as hard to catch up for whatever time I do get. But I'm starting to really feel the run down. The depression. The overwhelming feeling of I just can't freaking do all of this...and it's because I simply can't. None of us can do it all but, wow, do we exhaust ourselves trying! I'm waiting for something to give. A levy to break. Eventually, I'm going to have to suck it up and take the first step. Go get a mani/pedi- the baby and babysitter will survive. Only sing 5 bedtime songs to the boy instead of 10. Tell my lover tonight will have to wait. Splurge and hire a maid one week. Do something in the next hour for myself, like cover my head in pillows, put on Mickey Mouse, and make that nap happen! I'm going to have to just do it at some point because if not, I run the very serious risk of spontaneous combustion. I have to take care of me so I can take care of them. They need me. We have to take care of us because they need us.
     This evening I took a baby step and went on a walk. Granted I had the baby with me but the stroller kept her occupied and my ear buds bumping Florence and the Machine let me escape for a much needed break. Tomorrow, I might just polish my nails. Haha, gotta dream big. Got to take it one day at a time. Got to find me again and honor her, because she is an awesome hardworking mama and she deserves it. We all do!

Working Mommy Guilt

“Mommy, do you have work today?”

“Yes baby, I do – it’s Wednesday..”

I see her sweet little face filled with hope become crestfallen.
“Oh… When will it be the weekend?”

“I have to work today, tomorrow, and Friday, but then it’s the weekend and we get two whole days together!”

She smiles again. I’ve successfully cheered her up, but I feel worse than ever. Three more days of work and then only two with my family until it’s back to work again. I know we need my income, and, if I’m being brutally honest, I do like that I have my work to myself and am a role model of an independent woman for my daughters (4 years old and 9 months old). However, being a working mom is harder than I ever imagined it would be.

When I used to dream about being a mom I always fantasized about doing what my mom did. She took a couple years off from work when my sisters and I were babies, then she taught high school, so she was essentially working when we were at school anyway. Then reality hit. I tried the education major thing, and a class full of six grade math students taught me that I hate teaching!

So I’m an accountant/office manager. Because that’s what I’m good at and I can make enough money to cover our mortgage, groceries, utilities, and other bills.

I send my oldest to a Montessori preschool because she’s precocious and I feel less guilty about being at work on those days when she’s busy at school.

And that’s really what is the hardest thing about being a working mom (or actually, a mom in general). The constant guilt. Am I doing enough? Am I present enough? Am I enough? When I’m at home the housework piles up. When I’m at work and I have nothing to work on, I am desperate to get home, but I have to stay. I feel like I’m never giving, never doing, enough. I like to sleep in sometimes, but I hate to miss time with my kids. Bedtime is a struggle because I desperately need to recharge, but I hate missing out on more time!

I work in a small office and I was fortunate to be given four weeks of paid maternity leave, and then brought my baby into office for another six or eight weeks. While I totally understand that I am lucky and that many, too many, new mommies have to leave their babies because they don’t have the luxury of paid maternity leave or the option to bring their babies to work, it was not an easy time. Trying to work while breastfeeding; answering the phone while trying to shush a crying infant; or restraining myself from killing anyone that made noise while she was sleeping was really stressful. Even being able to have these extra weeks of bonding with my infant gave me guilt. Was my older daughter jealous? Was I really doing the best thing by my baby by trucking her into the office everyday and exposing her to the public? Was she getting enough sleep?

Now that she is older I can’t bring her in with me. And the saga of pumping began. As I mentioned, I work in a small office, so pumping was INCREDIBLY awkward. I had to leave my desk and go into the conference room (which has a fully windowed door), and then the pump was so loud. I didn’t even get that much milk. I recently weaned my baby, even though I wanted to go longer, because my supply was decimated from being away from her and having such a stressful pumping experience – more guilt.

I know that I am luckier than most, my husband gets to stay home with the kids, so I don’t have the additional guilt of leaving them with “strangers.” But it’s another kind of pain because I am intensely jealous of my husband. When I’m home I’m constantly making sure I’m the one they need, getting drinks and kissing boo-boos, and playing. I want to make sure they remember they can ask for mommy to do these things for them too. And, since I’m being honest here, I know my husband is jealous of my time away, and that makes me feel guilty too. Why should I get to leave the house and go do things while he is stuck at home all day?

So basically: Hi, I’m Katie and I have Working Mom guilt. I know that if I stayed at home I would have Stay At Home Mom guilt. We moms worry and worry and worry about our babies. We want the best for them, even if what we want for them doesn’t logistically make sense. I mean, it’s best for my kids to have a home (hence the working to pay the mortgage), but I also think it would be best for me to be at home with them (hence the guilt!). And as hard as it is, I’m going to keep being a working mom, because that’s what works right now for my family. And I’m proud to be able to show my daughters that they can do whatever they want to do and that they can provide for themselves and their families. So, I’m trying to work on my constant guilt and just be in the moment and enjoy the time that I do get to spend with my girls. Because THAT is what’s best for all of us.

Just a little note from Crazytown

I'm conflicted. Every day. About the same thing.

As I typed that first line, my baby woke up from his nap. My god.

Thirty minutes later, I've set up my son's play area with toys and books and stuffed animals. Still he keeps looking up at me and occasionally fake-crying.

Oh, he slept for a good 20 minutes earlier. He was out cold when I put him down for what was supposed to be his only nap for the day. The nap should have been more like two hours. There goes some of the things I wanted to get done.

My son is 13 months old now. I wish I had a numbered list of advice to give other parents, but some days we really don't get anything done. Except for this whole child-rearing thing. I suppose that's pretty important. Okay, I know it's the most important thing I'll ever do, but that doesn't erase any of the mom guilt.

That mom guilt, though!

I breastfed my son for a year. Still, there was guilt that maybe BLW (baby-led weaning) would have been better for him, but he seems healthy and eager enough to eat adult food.

Then there's cloth diapering. My husband and I contemplated cloth diapering for, you know, a minute, then decided it was too much for us. To be fair, I actually did read up on it and just really wasn't convinced that's what we needed to do. Except I still feel like I should be doing it, especially since most of the moms I've met through this great group called Hike It Baby (No, seriously, check it out. It's a great group for getting outdoors and meeting other parents and kids.) do the cloth diapering. So you know what? I signed up for a Curious About Cloth class, and it's tomorrow. I will probably be the only one there with a kid this old (or who isn't still pregnant), but that's okay. Even if we decide not to do it still, I'll feel better about whatever decision we make. My thought process was, hey, there's still time to do it if we change our minds. And there is.

That's kind of been our guide to parenting so far: Do what you think is best right now with the information you have. It's probably a little looser of a parenting style than many others', but it keeps us sane. Well, maybe saner than we would have been? Oh, who knows.

To get on with the blog I thought I was going to write, I have this inner dialogue that happens every day. If I decide to read while my son is napping, a little voice inside my head says there's probably something more important you should be doing. Another part of me says I need some down time like this and I need to stay sharp (Ha! Except for mombrain, am I right?), so keep reading. I've finished three books in the last month. That's three more than I read the entire first year of my kid's life. That counts as an accomplishment, right?

Except there's the dishes. They really get out of hand. The more I cook, the more there are. The more I cook, the more money we save. The more I cook, the less time I have to do other stuff, like working out.

Aah, exercise. The Hike It Baby group has helped tons, but after talking with my new general practitioner, she said I also need non-baby exercise at least twice a week. That means I had to break the news to my husband that he would have to watch my son so I can go to the gym two nights a week for 30-minute workouts. That look in his eye, though, makes me feel guilty. It says something like, "But I just worked all day." And the look in my eye says, "I did, too, punk. Don't devalue me."

This leads me to the weekend of Mother's Day. I had previously asked for my Mother's Day present to be "a day off." Then I was invited to "Girls' Night at the Lightning Ranch" - a friend's house that, yes, has a cool name so how could I miss that - and my husband agreed to watch our son for that, too. And then there was the moment he realized those two days would be back to back, and I heard him tell our son, within earshot of me, "Well, I guess it will be just you and me for the entire weekend." Stop the drama. Just stop right there. Woes you.

Anyway, somehow while I was at the Lightning Ranch, he managed to swiffer the floors, do the dishes and light a candle that made the house smell like a pumpkin cookie farm. Way to overdo it and make me feel like crap for not getting crap done. I mean, how awesome that he did that so I didn't have to.

Guilt, guilt, guilt.

I guess I'll just keep trucking, and one day I'll figure out how to be a Homemaker Extraordinaire.

Or not. Maybe I'm already doing an excellent job and I'll be at one with it one day.

If you have a numbered list of ways to eliminate that guilt, let me know.

Because I really should be interacting with my kid. Or maybe he's liking this independent playtime?

Aaagh!