Salma Hayek was on a goodwill trip to Africa in 2009 when she encountered a newborn child whose mother had no milk. What did she do? She nursed that baby! She later told an interviewer "The baby was perfectly healthy, but the mother didn't have any milk. He was very hungry. I was weaning Valentina, but I still had a lot of milk that I was pumping, so I breast-fed the baby. You should have seen his eyes. When he felt the nourishment he immediately stopped crying."
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| "If you have milk, you have milk, and if they're hungry, they're hungry." ~Salma Hayek |
I'm currently nursing my second child and though I've always said I'd happily nurse another babe, or allow someone to nurse one of mine if they were to be in need, it was only recently that the opportunity presented itself, and it was most certainly not in a way I would have ever expected. I wasn't in a third world country where babies were starving. It wasn't the child of a friend who might have had a low supply. It thankfully wasn't my own child that needed to be fed. I was in a public records department here in North Carolina, waiting on some paperwork, while watching a woman attempt to give her 3 month old baby a juice box. Yes, you read that right, she was giving an infant a juice box. But let's back up just a bit....
I went to get a copy of my daughters birth certificate and found myself in a waiting room with several other people including another mother, her baby, her friend, and the baby's father. Having my own family with me we naturally got into small talk about our little darlings... Her daughter was 3 months old- beautiful round face with a head full of curly hair; she looked small for her age but by no means unhealthy. We had been waiting for about 15 minutes when her child began to get fussy. I overheard the mom ask dad to run out to the car for a bottle. Several minutes pass by and when the father returned some time later he told the mother that he couldn't find it anywhere (insert man joke here), but he did manage to bring the ladies back a soda. The mother laid into him pretty good: where the bottle was located, that, yes, she did indeed pack it, if he would have just looked right there, on and on. She finally stopped when he pulled a Hi-C juice box from his pocket. "Oh, I didn't know we had that with us!" she said with a smile. All the while, her friend had been holding the baby and was letting her lick the condensation from outside of the soda bottle. The only thing I could think about by this point were the dirty hands that had touched the vending machine plastic bottle and hoping I wasn't going to witness a 3 month old being given a soda, but before I could blink an eye, the straw from the juice box was in her mouth.
Watching an infant attempt with all her little might to drink from a straw is pitiful, you could just see how hard she was trying, and the look in her eyes made it clear she was hungry and clearly would have settle for anything. Watching a mother get frustrated with said infant over not being able to drink properly from it really hit a nerve and got my heart racing. She was a new mama getting frantic, her baby was crying, and we have all been there. I was trying not to pass judgement; not to have that look of astonishment and disgust written across my face. In those moments when we as mothers aren't showing our best sides we don't need other moms looking down upon us, we need help. Don't be part of the problem be part of the solution, right? My mind was going 100MPH thinking of something I could say or do to without causing a scene. I wanted to shout at the woman "Are you crazy! She is a baby! She can't drink from a straw yet! Don't fuss at her, just send boyfriend's lazy butt back out to the car to get the bottle!!" That likely would have only angered or hurt her, possibly both, so I was relieved when much more gentle words fell from my lips, without a second thought I asked, "Would you like me to nurse your baby?" She looked at me like I had 2 heads but I continued "Do you think she would try to drink from a breast if I offered it to her? Has she ever breastfed?"
I would love to say that the story ended happily ever after: that I came in like a mama knight and whisked the little princess off to the comfort of some boogie milk, far away from the evil artificially flavored chemical water. But sadly, no, that wasn't how the story ended this day. The mother shot me a few more strange looks then declined my offer, and right when she was doing so, before I could plead my case for the sake of her child any longer, my name was called up to the window to collect my documents. Much earlier, my boyfriend had taken our daughter for a stroll to burn some time and put some more change in the meter. He walking in right as I was asking to breastfeed the other child and my name was being called. He kind of gave me a confused look and nudged me towards the teller at the window. So on I went without looking back, partly because I didn't want to give the mother that look I had been trying not to give her since the whole thing began, partly because I didn't want to see that sweet little baby girl struggling with a straw stuck in the juice box. We got my daughter's birth certificate and left.
I has hesitant to write about my experience at first because I feel like moms today are already scrutinized and judged for every little thing when we need to be supporting and uplifting one another. I don't think this woman is a bad mother, rather, I think she simply didn't know any better. Her mama probably gave her juice as a baby and so the cycle continues. But what was I to do? Just stand there and watch it unfold or step in and try to be the change I want to see in the world? All of this happened months ago and I still dwell on what I could have done differently. Looking back, I wish I would have stuck around for a few more minutes to talk to the mother, maybe help educate her about why juice is not good for infants, offer to go get the bottle myself, perhaps even ask again to nurse the baby. The last thing I wanted to do was insult or anger her though. So, readers, what would you have done? Would you ever offer to nurse another woman's baby? Would you allow another mother to nurse your own child?
As mothers, the one thing that connects us is the desire to keep children safe and healthy. I think it's universal truth that any mother hears a baby cry, even if it isn't her own baby, and her soul jumps at the chance to help soothe the child in need. Something happens when she gives birth, a switch is turned on, she will always be a mother in her heart. It's a beautiful connection and I hope the mother I encountered that day understood where I was coming from- I was just trying to help. One mama reaching out to another in need. After all, it really does take a village to raise a child.
